U.S. to attend Asia-Pacific climate talks

"Producers of half the world's 'greenhouse' gases are angling for more private investment to create cleaner energy technologies and help slow global warming", stated Secretary of State Condoleezza Rice from her cell phone in her H2 Hummer while pulling a boat up a hill with the A/C on full blast.

Condoleezza Rice, Energy Secretary Samuel Bodman and Morpheus from the Matrix will meet next week in Sydney, Australia, with representatives from five Asian and Pacific nations to figure why humans pollute so much. Goals for the meeting include: formulating a plan to combat global warming, planning another meeting to combat global warming and figuring out why Morpheus was at the conference. Catering for lunch at the meeting will be provided by either Cafe Sel Et Poivre or Jack-in-the Box.

The White House says blaming Australia, China, India, Japan and South Korea for dumping toxic waste straight into the nearest Ocean and cutting down trees for sport may have been completely unfounded. Congress will allocate an excess of $190 million to form a committee to research into the matter more. The U.S. hopes that this small mishap wont hinder attendance from any of the Asian countrys at the climate talk.

Among major developed nations, only the United States and Australia rejected the 1997 treaty negotiated in Kyoto, Japan, that mandates specific cutbacks in emissions of carbon dioxide and five other gases by 2012 in 35 industrialized countries.

"We are not to blame for pollution and any accusations of this will result in immediate invasion and blaming that country of harboring terrorists", stated President George W. Bush while he threw in several old tires soaked in lead paint into the White House incinerator.

Finally, President Bush threatened that if we can't stop polluting the Earth's Oceans then no one gets to have them. He will simply remove them by launching all the Ocean water into space, thus ending pollution arguments and Hurricanes all together. Also, this would stop the popularity of killer wales as well as they are very annoying.