RATM Reporters Search for Burt Reynolds

We all here at RATM know that many of you have been wondering what has been going on with Burt Reynolds these days, fortunately we have an entire department dedicated to news on Mr. Reynolds. In response to the overwhelming demand for news on Burt, we recently launched an expedition to find him.

First we consulted his family and friends, which was essentially useless. After much research and consulting our secret agent Ethan Hunt, we learned Reynolds was hunting deep in the woods of his home state of Michigan. Initially we sent 6 reporters on the mission, and before they even made it 56 miles from where Reynolds was believed to be, 2 perished in diasterious conditions that remain unknown still to this day. However though, the 4 remaining located Burt high up in a tree fort that he had made for himself to stay in while hunting. When they yelled up at him asking him for a short interview, this was his noted response,

"You bastards will never catch me alive, if you want me to come down then I will have to be dead!!"

Shortly after that, a gun/stick fight ensued between our reporters and Mr. Reynolds. For those of you who frequent this site, you will recall that we have been in many altercations with Burt due to his alcoholic nature. This particular mini war lasted about 1.5 hours, leaving many of our reporters wounded by arrows, bullets and Chinese stars. The fight was brought to a halt finally when our men discovered Reynolds' weakness for gummy bears. They quickly assembled a trebuchet from surrounding natural resources and launched several giant gummy bears at him.
Trebuchet launching giant gummy bear at Burt Reynolds



Unfortunately, after the long battle, Mr. Reynolds was injured when a giant gummy bear hit him in the head. He was unable to give us any statement, so our men left him in the woods with 150 giant gummy bears. We plan to go back in a few years, to ascertain the fate of Mr. Reynolds if Hollywood hasn't done it sooner.