Friday, October 13, 2006

Floating Tunnels

It has come to my attention that several individulas still lack the knowledge of the world going on around them. New inventions and ideas innundate our culture constantly, some turning belly-up and other prospering, making or breaking the so called designer. One controversial technology has alreadly been put in place: Floating Tunnels. Below is obvisiously concrete proof that they exist.



There have been several so called 'Haters' of the floating tunnel technology. A movement established earlier this month, People Who Hate On Floating Tunnel Technology For No Apparent Reason or (PWHOFTTFNAR) have begun to voice their concerns rather violently and without cause to the general public. Speaker of the house for PWHOFTTFNAR, Gabeonis Riveroulios stated this at the last conference,

"This is a ridicolus technology, it doesnt make sense to build underwater tunnels to save energy, save the environment and promote the well being of mankind through celebration of the a wonderful technology. We need to keep building above sea, not below. In addition, I can't swim."

Although Riveroulios drives home a good point, he hasn't yet looked into the work that Professor Svein Remseth and Knut Morten Okstad have done at the Norwegian Ministry of Transport. Safety being one of the mains concerns, has already been taken care of in the following statement made by Remseth:

"...the submerged tunnel will be designed to meet a very high level of safety requirements ­at least at the same level as for a traditional bridge."

Remseth went on also to point out that the filtration system for the tunnel breaks down the carbon dioxide emmited by motor vehicels in a new way. Combining fusion, blackhole technology and a dash of quantum physics the poison gas is completly broken down and changed into dopamine and norepinephrine, both chemicals in the brain that cause high levels of arousal in women.

"It wasn't our intention to create a 'sex-fest' in our tunnel, but if that's what happens, then it happens" stated Remseth.

Peter North, famous porn star and director, has been in negotiations with the Norwegian Ministry of Transport to film 3 movies in the underwater tunnels.


"The location is ideal for adult film making. What better conditions could a porn-star ask for? If the contract goes through with the European people, then we're looking good for next year. My team and I look forward to North Pole productions breaking a new world record in film."

Whatever the tunnels are ultimately used for, they exist and no argument can be further made.

Wednesday, October 04, 2006

Interesting...

Average life expectancy ( in seconds ) of an enemy soldier in a Chuck Norris film: 4
Number of men who have written letters proposing marriage to Vanna White: 3506
Age most people stop believing in Santa Claus: 8
Age most people stop believing in politicians: 7
Number of chemical elements in the universe: 104
In a glass of New Jersey tap water: 98
Number of days into baseball season before Chicago Cubs are written off as pennant contenders: 5
Average powder base ( in inches ) on Aspen ski slope: 17
On Tammy Bakker: 1/4
Salary of the average Pro Wrestler: $47,500 /yr.
If Pro Wrestling didn't exist: $4.25/hr.
Number of things that annoy Andy Rooney: 2,000,000
Number of people annoyed by Andy Rooney: 23,000,000
Average miles per gallon you can expect if a car maker's ad says " 30 mpg, city": 23
Number of people who aren't doctors, but play them on TV: 57
Who aren't doctor's but play them in hospitals: 5,840
Number of people in the history of air travel who have been able to get a $99 Maxsaver fare to coast: 2
Restrictions for that fare: 237
Percentage of the public that understand the new tax code: 11%
Percentage of accountants who understand it: 9%
Percentage of IRS employees who understand it: 6%
Number of people who work for the government: about half
Number of Americans who believe any of the statistics on this page are accurate: 2,478,644
Who believe TV Evangelists are trustworthy: 2,478,644