America-Fuckin-Idol
I’m going to be quite honest. I am tired of American Idol. It drives me fucking nuts. There is no where I can go that this culture poisoning show is being discussed. Wait, I hear one of those voices,“Then don’t watch it if you don’t like it.”
Let’s see numb nuts, did I ever say anything about watching American Idol? No, and I’m tired of hearing that. I can’t imagine another horrific way to spend my evenings than watching that show. Can someone please explain to me what the addiction here is? Ah, I think I hear another one of those voices:
“The people on the show have worked hard to get there; the fun of it is watching them make something of themselves.”
What the fuck are you talking about? Watching people eat lead-paint chips and drink bleach would be more entertaining. It is very amusing to me to ask people why they like the show. Do you know why? It is because to date, of all the people I have asked, no one can really give me a reason. Are you watching it because all your friends are watching it?
Maybe if I heard someone say that their TV only works when American Idol is on, and no other channels, and that they need the superficial-uplifting messages sent to their mind in a colorful kaleidoscope of hippy-like colors to keep them from cutting themselves in the bathroom before going to bed, I would believe that. If that last sentence did not make sense, or you don’t know what a kaleidoscope is, follow the processes below in order:
*Quit current job and/or current hobby
*Find local elementary school
*Enroll self in local elementary school
*Lurn Basik englesh
*Repeat steps 1-4 until able to communicate effectively with society.
I will be honest with you. I was just in Home Depot the other day, and not surprisingly, I heard some of the check out staff talking about the final contestants on the show. Big fucking deal right? They can barely do their job as it is anyways. What I didn’t expect, was the one-eyed, scruffy looking, tattooed, suspender wearing employee, manning the color coordinating/paint desk; talking about how he was going to vote for Blake. I hope for all the dignity left in the world, this man was joking. There are two things wrong with this guy.
ISSUE #1: He is working at the paint desk, in a large hardware store. The mother fucker has ONE god damn eye. Why the fuck is he not in the plumbing or lumber section? This shit-head could bend a piece of iron pipe with his hands. He has no depth perception, and he looks as if he has been in seven Vietnam wars, so my guess is his advice on what color to paint your daughter’s room is going to be skewed. And on a side note, to all you parents, stop worrying about color coordinating your kids room. It’s fucking annoying. They are just going to fill every square inch with insipid posters of Christina Aguilera and Justin Timberlake. The harder you fight your offspring about this, the faster they will turn their room into a horrific museum displaying the scantily clad Paris Hilton, which of course, means that your kids are doing drugs, and there is nothing you can do about it. In fact, your child most likely has already been arrested for a DUI.
ISSUE #2: He is talking about voting for an American Idol. Fuck that noise. This dude looked like he had seen some hard times. Shit, up until I heard him utter that terrible phrase, I was sure he could kick Clint Eastwood, The Rock and Chuck Norris’s asses simultaneously. Now I take comfort in knowing I could lift his sissy-ass upside down and shake the fucking change from his shameful red-neck looking attire. Shame on you One-eyed Home Depot Pirate man.
The problem is that I can not go anywhere, without hearing about this god damn show. I don’t want to hear it anyone more, so shut the fuck up. I have a right to go out into public and not hear how Blake’s beat boxing mixed with his soothing man-voice puts people at peace. MARIJUANA puts people at peace. Cool Ranch Doritos puts people at peace. American Idol, does not put people at peace. Get a life you fucking bastards.
You all have no idea how happy I am that the show is over. I guess that girl won, which is nice. Now she can burn in hell. But at least the conversations will come to an end. Fortunately though, the producers and executives of the show reported the final episode had the worst ratings since it debuted. It was estimated that six million fewer viewers watched the show when compared to last year. Do you know what that means? This fuck fest of melodic performances is taking on water. Blow enough holes in a ship and it will sink, regardless of all the efforts to make it do otherwise.
Go fuck yourself American Idol :)
posted by Z at 4:56 PM
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