Are you kidding me...?

Honestly. I will keep this short and sweet. Where is Arby's mascot? McDonalds has Ronald McDonald, Taco Bell once had a creepy dog, and Subway has jarred. Where is the love for Arby's? Spokeswoman Michelle O'Connel had a few words to enlighten the subject...

"We never felt that a mascot would define us as a franchise, so much random drug abuse and teenage alcoholism is seen as a characteristic of burger joints like our competitors. We believe in a hard earned all-beef sandwich for dinner, breakfast and lunch" commented O'Connel after a long days work on the Texas-based beef ranch.

"We need support from someone, Ronald has to much on his shoulders over there at Mickey D's, we need a clown like em' over' here ropin' in all the folks" stammered Al Bonsworth, Chief of mascot retainment for Arby's(Bailey's Co.).

As sad as we don't feel for this corporation, someone has to do something. If you are one of those gifted individuals that has the nack for helping multi-million dollar franchises with their lack of a sophisticated mascot, please feel free to tell someone...but not us. Listen to what a Arby's cashier (Formerly McDonalds) had to say about this hell on earth...

"It didn't use to be like this, Ron used to hug and hold us when we were sad. Now with all the hell that goes on with these 'Curly Fries' I don't feel at home at all. Things are all geared towards the 'Market Fresh' ordeal and making the best Roast beef Sandwiches man has ever tasted."

Honestly...we really don't care about this sad ass story anymore. If Arby's wants to be the outcast and choose a life without 'Play places' and happy go-luckily, stupid-ass, imaginary, plastic molds from hell...then so be it.

Or...

Submit your comments to this post on what Arby's mascot should be. If I don't think you are a threat to this Nation's national security I will post the best answer and you will win free Arby's for how ever long I decide.

Thanks. If you are disappointed with this article...

First: Tell someone that is sober
Second: I get paid to do this so back off
Third: I'm to rich to deal with this crap...