New Phrases of our Time...

Pwnt- Derived from Pwned which came from a miss spelling of the word owned. Saying 'Pwnt' is a uber way to shut someone down.

CraYon- Co-Invented by me. It is used only to confuse people and express extreme hyperness. When you say it you have to yell it in a deep voice. Think Oscar the Grouch.

Skank- Still means the same..

UDAB- You Dumb Ass Bitch...

Eat Feaces- Ummm...don't ask

A Bizarre Conversation

[22:44] MysterPantZZ: eat junk
[22:44] snobrdin: eat my shortz
[22:44] snobrdin: I am mystershortzz
[22:44] MysterPantZZ: im a nut
[22:45] snobrdin: I'm a squirel so eat me
[22:45] MysterPantZZ: no
[22:45] snobrdin: And your Mr. Peanut so spread me
[22:45] MysterPantZZ: ummm
[22:45] MysterPantZZ: wow
[22:45] MysterPantZZ: and .........uh
[22:45] MysterPantZZ: your a palm tree
[22:45] MysterPantZZ: so.......
[22:46] snobrdin: OHHHH SNAP!
[22:46] MysterPantZZ: make coconuts
[22:46] MysterPantZZ: oh
[22:46] MysterPantZZ: burn
[22:46] snobrdin: I pitty tha foo
[22:46] MysterPantZZ: so greg double teamed jordan
[22:46] snobrdin: yes!
[22:46] snobrdin: hot donkey lips!
[22:47] MysterPantZZ: the one that worked for wair
[22:47] MysterPantZZ: waid
[22:47] MysterPantZZ: actually i put on a jordan costume and fooled greg, how bout them apples?
[22:48] snobrdin: them are sour apples
[22:48] snobrdin: take that apple and dip it in carmel
[22:48] MysterPantZZ: thats what she said
[22:48] MysterPantZZ: oh snap
[22:48] snobrdin: break me off a piece of that carmel apple
[22:49] MysterPantZZ: hungry? have a jordan!
[22:49] snobrdin: got jordan?
[22:49] MysterPantZZ: ha
[22:49] snobrdin: everyone needs a little jordan in their life
[22:49] snobrdin: Jordan...like a rock
[22:49] MysterPantZZ: how many licks does it take to get to the center of a jordan pop?
[22:49] snobrdin: Jordan....just do it
[22:50] snobrdin: Snap Crackle Jordan
[22:50] MysterPantZZ: show me the jordan!
[22:50] snobrdin: SHAAAAZZZZZZZZZJOOORRDAAN
[22:50] snobrdin: jordan, jordan, everyone wants a jordan
[22:51] snobrdin: would you like jordan with that sir?
[22:51] MysterPantZZ: some
[22:51] snobrdin: jordan...its whats for dinner
[22:51] MysterPantZZ: haha
[22:51] snobrdin: jordan...the other white meat
[22:51] MysterPantZZ: oh snap
[22:51] MysterPantZZ: jordan of the sea
[22:51] snobrdin: haha
[22:52] MysterPantZZ: the spirit of jordan
[22:52] snobrdin: heat jordan to a slow boil...and add just a dab of jordan
[22:52] MysterPantZZ: lol
[22:52] MysterPantZZ: instant jordan, just add water
[22:52] snobrdin: ha
[22:53] snobrdin: Jordan...done in less than a minute!
[22:53] snobrdin: jordan...now in new family size
[22:53] snobrdin: Jordan...strong enough for a man..but made for a woman
[22:53] MysterPantZZ: get 20% more jordan with you next purchase
[22:53] snobrdin: a jordan a day keeps the doctor away
[22:53] MysterPantZZ: hmm
[22:53] MysterPantZZ: yes
[22:54] MysterPantZZ: jordan
[22:54] snobrdin: wow
[22:54] MysterPantZZ: Cause at McJordans, we love to see you smile
[22:54] snobrdin: haha
23:23] Walking By: I said "Your moms a book"
[23:24] Walking By: so spread those pages...I'm getting inside
[23:24] mysterpantzz: wow
[23:24] mysterpantzz: lol
[23:24] mysterpantzz: i read her table of contents and said no way
[23:24] Walking By: I opened it up...and a crab ran out
[23:25] mysterpantzz: and three pirates
[23:25] Walking By: I said...give it up miss van wisley
[23:25] Walking By: and they were fighting off a goat with three heads
[23:25] mysterpantzz: then a giant came and molsted all of them and married gandalf

Warm January makes for Record in U.S. History

Last month's warm temperature allowed American's to save money on their heating bills. The country's average temperature for the month was 39.5 degrees Fahrenheit, 8.5 degrees above average for January, the National Climatic Data Center said Tuesday. The old record for January warmth was 37.3 degrees set in 1953.

On the other hand, while much of the United States was basking in warm weather, parts of Europe and Asia were being battered by bitter cold. In fact, temperatures were so cold in Russia that people who stepped outside for even an second were instantly frozen.

"We had so many frozen citizens that the only thing we could do was to create a massive ice castle with them. We decided to spend the entire 2006 budget on this and to make up for it we will charge 1 bottle of vodka per non-frozen person as an entrance fee. Then, with the super-surplus of vodka, we will sell it to the U.S. at a reduced price and make a massive profit. The best part of the scheme is that when people try to come to the ice castle, they will freeze and contribute to the building of it" cried Vladimir Putin from the secret lair atop his ice stronghold.

Keeping that cold air to the north allowed mild Pacific air to moderate temperatures across the contiguous states, leading to the warm conditions. Most researchers feel that this is nothing to worry about and is no sign of any global warming.

"The best thing to do is not to be concerned about increasing global temperatures. We have been encouraging American's to hold weekly bond fires at their homes and burn what ever they can find. Feel free to toss in plastics, treated woods, garbage and if your up to it maybe a few items coated in lead paint" explained Roger Guidlksa from the National Geographic Society.

Some people however, refuse to believe that everything is going to be okay and have been causing much chaos in the nation.

"We're fucking screwed. You guys want water world to really happen? Huh? Is that what you want? Do you have any idea how god damn hard it will be for us all to live on just boats and floating cities? It's not easy to hunt whale and birds for food and make any kind of living, no sir. If you assholes want that shit then fine, but don't come knocking on the door of my boat when the world becomes a giant ocean and you have no fucking clue what to do. I'm not sharing any kind of survival tips with you n00bs, I got gills bitches" roared Kevin Costner from his Hollywood mansion/cruise ship.

The best thing to do is not to worry. If the next time you are at the grocery store and your kids get out of hand, instead of threatening them with no McDonald's, threaten giving them up to the Smokers (watch the movie n00bs).

GO STEELERS!! YEAH BABY!!!!!

Z's Super Bowl XL Prediction

Steelers: 21
Seahawks: 17

Updated Vocabulary

To my many readers of this crappy site,

My use of the word pwned has now changed to pwnt.

Thank you,

The Management

Why You Should Clone Yourself

I have been through many things in my travels throughout the world and decided to tell you all something super kool. I want to tell you, rather persuade you, to clone yourself. That's right boys and girls, you need to clone yourself and im going to tell you why you have to do this. Don't worry about how to clone yourself yet, as that will be something for the next issue. Below are a two situations that provide reasoning for cloning one's self.

SITUATION 1: Getting Women

Imagine your self at the world' greatest party on top of the world's tallest building. You want to hit on a the world's hottest woman, but can't think of something to get your foot in the door to start a conversation. Suddenly you remember you have 258 of your clones with you and an idea pops into that smart noggin of yours. You instantly order your clones to begin jumping of the building in single file, one at a time. The woman you think is so hot begins to laugh really loud along with the rest of the people attending the party. Seeing this massive change in the party's emotion, you walk over to the woman and you two instantly hit it off. Never in a million years would you think making fun of clones jumping off a building would be such a good way to get women. It works, just remember my simple equation, cloning = getting laid.

SITUATION 2: Amusement

Let's say you're kickin' it with a few of your good buds and the day is turning out to be quite boring. Not wanting to be the spoiler of a good afternoon, you remember you have 346 clones just sitting around on their asses at home. You also remember that some bizarre drilling company has decided to drill a hole to the center of the earth just a few blocks down from your house. Thinking about this for a few a bit you tell your buds to follow you to this massive hole without telling them what is really going to happen. Being immensely curious, they ask what grand idea you plan to execute, but you tell them that they will just have to wait. On the way over there you pull out a small wooden and magical flute and blow on it. A few seconds pass, then the ground begins to rumble as the clones come sprinting down the street to do your bidding. The clones, being well trained and raised in poor conditions, only accept commands in the form of small musical notes released from the flute that only you possess. You rock out a little beat that would of have the San Francisco orchestra in tears and the clones move towards the hole. Instantly they begin to jump in as fast a possible. They make their long journey down into a pit of molten lava and burn up immediately.

This being the funniest thing your buddies have ever seen you are elevated to ruler of all. One really good way to kick this up a notch is to have wireless cameras installed on every other clone. This way you get a good look at the action all the way down.