Why You Should Clone Yourself

I have been through many things in my travels throughout the world and decided to tell you all something super kool. I want to tell you, rather persuade you, to clone yourself. That's right boys and girls, you need to clone yourself and im going to tell you why you have to do this. Don't worry about how to clone yourself yet, as that will be something for the next issue. Below are a two situations that provide reasoning for cloning one's self.

SITUATION 1: Getting Women

Imagine your self at the world' greatest party on top of the world's tallest building. You want to hit on a the world's hottest woman, but can't think of something to get your foot in the door to start a conversation. Suddenly you remember you have 258 of your clones with you and an idea pops into that smart noggin of yours. You instantly order your clones to begin jumping of the building in single file, one at a time. The woman you think is so hot begins to laugh really loud along with the rest of the people attending the party. Seeing this massive change in the party's emotion, you walk over to the woman and you two instantly hit it off. Never in a million years would you think making fun of clones jumping off a building would be such a good way to get women. It works, just remember my simple equation, cloning = getting laid.

SITUATION 2: Amusement

Let's say you're kickin' it with a few of your good buds and the day is turning out to be quite boring. Not wanting to be the spoiler of a good afternoon, you remember you have 346 clones just sitting around on their asses at home. You also remember that some bizarre drilling company has decided to drill a hole to the center of the earth just a few blocks down from your house. Thinking about this for a few a bit you tell your buds to follow you to this massive hole without telling them what is really going to happen. Being immensely curious, they ask what grand idea you plan to execute, but you tell them that they will just have to wait. On the way over there you pull out a small wooden and magical flute and blow on it. A few seconds pass, then the ground begins to rumble as the clones come sprinting down the street to do your bidding. The clones, being well trained and raised in poor conditions, only accept commands in the form of small musical notes released from the flute that only you possess. You rock out a little beat that would of have the San Francisco orchestra in tears and the clones move towards the hole. Instantly they begin to jump in as fast a possible. They make their long journey down into a pit of molten lava and burn up immediately.

This being the funniest thing your buddies have ever seen you are elevated to ruler of all. One really good way to kick this up a notch is to have wireless cameras installed on every other clone. This way you get a good look at the action all the way down.