Warm January makes for Record in U.S. History
Last month's warm temperature allowed American's to save money on their heating bills. The country's average temperature for the month was 39.5 degrees Fahrenheit, 8.5 degrees above average for January, the National Climatic Data Center said Tuesday. The old record for January warmth was 37.3 degrees set in 1953.
On the other hand, while much of the United States was basking in warm weather, parts of Europe and Asia were being battered by bitter cold. In fact, temperatures were so cold in Russia that people who stepped outside for even an second were instantly frozen.
"We had so many frozen citizens that the only thing we could do was to create a massive ice castle with them. We decided to spend the entire 2006 budget on this and to make up for it we will charge 1 bottle of vodka per non-frozen person as an entrance fee. Then, with the super-surplus of vodka, we will sell it to the U.S. at a reduced price and make a massive profit. The best part of the scheme is that when people try to come to the ice castle, they will freeze and contribute to the building of it" cried Vladimir Putin from the secret lair atop his ice stronghold.
Keeping that cold air to the north allowed mild Pacific air to moderate temperatures across the contiguous states, leading to the warm conditions. Most researchers feel that this is nothing to worry about and is no sign of any global warming.
"The best thing to do is not to be concerned about increasing global temperatures. We have been encouraging American's to hold weekly bond fires at their homes and burn what ever they can find. Feel free to toss in plastics, treated woods, garbage and if your up to it maybe a few items coated in lead paint" explained Roger Guidlksa from the National Geographic Society.
Some people however, refuse to believe that everything is going to be okay and have been causing much chaos in the nation.
"We're fucking screwed. You guys want water world to really happen? Huh? Is that what you want? Do you have any idea how god damn hard it will be for us all to live on just boats and floating cities? It's not easy to hunt whale and birds for food and make any kind of living, no sir. If you assholes want that shit then fine, but don't come knocking on the door of my boat when the world becomes a giant ocean and you have no fucking clue what to do. I'm not sharing any kind of survival tips with you n00bs, I got gills bitches" roared Kevin Costner from his Hollywood mansion/cruise ship.
The best thing to do is not to worry. If the next time you are at the grocery store and your kids get out of hand, instead of threatening them with no McDonald's, threaten giving them up to the Smokers (watch the movie n00bs).
On the other hand, while much of the United States was basking in warm weather, parts of Europe and Asia were being battered by bitter cold. In fact, temperatures were so cold in Russia that people who stepped outside for even an second were instantly frozen.
"We had so many frozen citizens that the only thing we could do was to create a massive ice castle with them. We decided to spend the entire 2006 budget on this and to make up for it we will charge 1 bottle of vodka per non-frozen person as an entrance fee. Then, with the super-surplus of vodka, we will sell it to the U.S. at a reduced price and make a massive profit. The best part of the scheme is that when people try to come to the ice castle, they will freeze and contribute to the building of it" cried Vladimir Putin from the secret lair atop his ice stronghold.
Keeping that cold air to the north allowed mild Pacific air to moderate temperatures across the contiguous states, leading to the warm conditions. Most researchers feel that this is nothing to worry about and is no sign of any global warming.
"The best thing to do is not to be concerned about increasing global temperatures. We have been encouraging American's to hold weekly bond fires at their homes and burn what ever they can find. Feel free to toss in plastics, treated woods, garbage and if your up to it maybe a few items coated in lead paint" explained Roger Guidlksa from the National Geographic Society.
Some people however, refuse to believe that everything is going to be okay and have been causing much chaos in the nation.
"We're fucking screwed. You guys want water world to really happen? Huh? Is that what you want? Do you have any idea how god damn hard it will be for us all to live on just boats and floating cities? It's not easy to hunt whale and birds for food and make any kind of living, no sir. If you assholes want that shit then fine, but don't come knocking on the door of my boat when the world becomes a giant ocean and you have no fucking clue what to do. I'm not sharing any kind of survival tips with you n00bs, I got gills bitches" roared Kevin Costner from his Hollywood mansion/cruise ship.
The best thing to do is not to worry. If the next time you are at the grocery store and your kids get out of hand, instead of threatening them with no McDonald's, threaten giving them up to the Smokers (watch the movie n00bs).
posted by Z at 5:25 PM
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