Ready your Passports Ladies and Gentlemen

This is a photo of down town Stockholm. I am going to sweden in a few days and you're not. I am sorry. Don't worry, I will bring back photos for my loyal readers so you can live through my crazyness and insanity. I know you all have terrible lives, but thats ok, that's why I am here. Alright, go now, you are draining all the bandwidth here.

Hmmmm. I will let this photo speak for it self.

There is no title

It has been a little while since I posted here on this worthless virtual-pile of crap so I decied I would return to fill your minds with more of my insanity. Really there is nothing to discuss here. Infact, while are you still reading this? There are many more interesting Blogs out there, why pick this one you damn fools? It vexes me that I have readers, it puts a great mental concern on my mind which causes me to lose extreme amounts of sleep.

Anyways, I saw Episode 3 last week and wanted to talk a little bit about it. Now before you read this understand that I love the work of George Lucas, but sometimes we all need to poke a little fun at him.

Alright, so you remember the very last scene in Episode 3, the part when obi-wan kenobi gives baby Luke to his uncle Owen I think it is and his aunt? Ok, well after they get the baby, they share that epic-romantic love thing where people look into the sunset and imagine their future and the glorious times to be had. Okay so here comes the part where you begin to hate me. The funny thing is, in the very next episode, not more than 20 years later, Owen and his wife Peru get burned alive by storm troopers. Its just interesting if you watch episode 3 and 4 back to back. In our time, its only a matter of 30-45mins from the time they have their happy sunset thing to the time of thier demise in a human bar-b-que.
Whats even funnier is to think of all the great times Luke had growing up. Like the time he came home wasted off his ass after a long night at the local cantina. Or the time he got caught getting stoned with a bunch of sand people. Yea, thats some pretty messed up shit, but what the hell.
How about Darth Vader. Who the hell would want to get in and out of that suit to take a shower? Of course the most obvious question, how fucking easy is it to take a piss in that thing? Does he sleep in it, or pass out drunk in the corner with part of it off. You know being head of the Empire is a stressful job, I would wasted all the time if I were him. Just think of it, storm troopers escorting him back home, all drunk as hell, swinging at shit with his light-saber, running into crap and damaging his suit. Pretty sad display.
Or obi-wan-kenobi and yoda spending all that time in seclusion. What the hell did they do to keep themselves occupied all that time. Lucas might say they studied the jedi ways further, but I say there had to be somethin else going on. How board would you get just sitting there? I bet they used the force to make a collect call to eachother or somethin. Or conjured up women and alochol made out of the force to have some fun jedi-time.
There is a bunch of weird shit you can think of. I'll post it if I think of any more.

The crazy ass Matrix

I just was searching around the web and stumbled upon this website that explains the Matrix Triology very well. There is also frequent debate and great analysis. I command you to check it out. By the way, if you are one of thos e weird ass people that say you don't like any of the Matrix movies, it because you don't understand it. There I said it...

thematrix101.com

You guessed it, this is a picture of my car.

Balls to the Wall or Not at all they say

Time to take a different spin on the insane rambles I tend to go in. You see, besides tilting back the LQ, I have an affinity for bizarre artwork created by even more bizarre artists. The above drawing, which I hold in close regard to being a masterpiece, was done by the amazing Geof Darrow. Few artists have the ability to do what Geof has done and is still doing. Some of my favorite art of his comes from the conceptual drawings he did for the Matrix Trilogy, which helped the Wachowski brothers visualize sequences. There is also The Art of The Matrix, which is a collaboration of fantastic concept and storyboard drawings from pre-post production. Alright, im done.....leave now.

A thousand words....

I will let the picture do most of the talking. Just imagine if that damn thing were real! I could get all loaded on the good ol' brandy and take her for a spin. My first conquest would be to scare all the soccer moms in their shameful conquest to rule modern society. This mech would put an end to door dings, evil driving and long lines at Wendy's.
So, say no to Soccer Moms In Mini Vans, and yes to building your own mechwarrior and taking the fight to the streets. If you have any dignity left, you will bring this fight straight to the seven seater and send those crazy-ass drivers a message. We can't stand by and let them cut us off anymore due to having so many kids and in a wicked ass hurry! But we can build colossal mechanical robots out of trash and other debris lying around the house and fight back. So send me your credit card number to my email address and I will send you the plans to build your own trash robot.
Whatever, sounds like fun and if your reading this you should do it. Serioulsly though, the long line thing at Wendy's because of minivans really gets to me. The fact that 5 mini vans can have more seats than the average classroom is very scary, vey sacry indeed. Its like if a bunch of mini vans some how did the Power ranger thing and morphed together, it would a kind of mega van that would essentially be its own mobile city. It would be powered by the vociferous cries of many children locked up because they are annoying and......enough, im bored with this topic.
By the way, if you have made it this far in my text there are two things you should know. The first is that you are very strange and honestly down right creepy because no one ever reads this crap. The second is that you should support a friends website at cheapskatestudios.com

Adventure around every Turn

Why was the pie sour? probably cause it was tart. Yes, I am drunk right now, and if you guessed that after the first 5 words I wrote you win an unlimited season pass to this blog, so enjoy! No, the real reason I am writting this passage is due to the concern i have from the cartoons i'm watching right now. Por ejemplo(for example), there is some crazy cartoon right now with a bunch of kids running through the forest all dressed up in "tricked out gear" with no regard to their safety.
What about west nile? A broken leg? AIDS!!??? Yes you can get AIDS from random ass plants in the jungle...especially aloe vera, its the worst kind. Damn you Jergins. Anyways, these cartoons are off the hook out of control. There is some character there that just sits there and shakes his head back and forth as fast as he can all day. Kinda like he has an advanced version of ADD x2 plus super AIDS. Thats scary, Allah would be mad. I must say before I continue, that this is weird shit and Im wasted, so this will be rather evil writting and will corrupt your mind.
Like I was saying, the cartoons are destroying our childrens lives! Stallin is creating these satan like toons from his grave in order to remake Russia on earth. what the fuck, this makes no sense, next subject.

Damn, let the lessons be learned, writting drunk with an already fucked up mind makes for weird shit on the internet. So if you dont hate my existance yet, or are pondering it, give me a few more posts and I will atone for it. I sware! But you have to leave now because the Corona is starting to take over my mind....all I see is a field of.....time to end this before innocent people die....!

As you can see there is no messing around in my town. Kentucky Gentleman in one hand and an icy mug of Dos Equis close by and I'm set. If I remember correctly, not to long after that.....actually....hmmm.

The Rat Pack, the next day after a long night of drinking and running around like idiots. The only one that appeared to not be phased by the liquid death is the sombrero man. The red strap he has on is a weird beer holder we picked up for free while walking by men trying to sell us parrots. Cancun is fuckin nutz!

A photo of a fine lass enjoying the sun at the resort. She definately has a smokin' body but will have nothing to do with alcohol she proclaims. Whatever, I bet she got wasted that night.

A picture of the courtyard In the Coastal Real resort where we stayed. I must say the groundskeeping there was insane, never was there a leaf of twig out of place. Notice the sign to the left, underneath it would be the resting place of one of our pals in roughly 6 hours. When I found him there covered in vomit, I dug his grave and ran away. Kidding, he made it alright but not with out a wicked hangover.

A bitter face after a fierce victory over whiskey. It was amazing just how much the Pack put down during that fateful week. It was like having extra lives in Super Mario World, and the bottles kept drying out.

Another shot of the Rat Pack during a humid stroll down the beach. We may not look loaded, but I assure you we shouldn't have been alive. Oh and the gentleman in the sombrero, is the leader of Mexico.

A couple Canadians took a few moments out of their day to lend us a JPEG or two. I did my best to hit on them, but the Kentucky Gentleman had other plans for me.

A beer and myself, chillin on the beach in Cancun.

The crew at the beach bar at Coastal Real

A comment to Rings and Whiskey

If you are confused about why the hell I named the previous post 'Rings and Whiskey', well don't be scared because I am going to tell you the truth. When you buy a bottle of Whiskey from the LQ and bring it home, your intentions are to drink it with friends and maybe any pets if you can force them. However, if you are by yourself and with a bottle of Kentucky Gentlemen in hand, the only sure course of action is to head to the bottom. Once there, I have found that I begin to see rings and they float about in a rather sparatic motion. The game is to see how many you can jump through before you see all black. Just fucking with you. That has nothing to do with true orgin of the name, but it sounds like something fun to do. By the way and before I continue, if you are not a friend or family member releated at least slightly to me, DONT continue reading. I wasn't kidding about you catching a virus and dying. Your soul will literally combust, you will burn for about two hours, then you will be worth nothing. If that's what you want then that is sad and I only will have small amounts of pitty for you.

Actually all it really has to do with is pretty simple. I sat at the beach bar at Costal Real in Cancun drinking a very large amount of Kentucky Gentlemen while talking with one of the local bartenders. His name was Julio I believe and he noticed the sterling silver elvish ring I had on one of my fingers. I let him borrow it to show all the other bartenders and believe it or not they were blown away. It was almost like they had never seen a ring like that before and they became hypnotized. He liked it so much that he asked me how much or what he could trade for it. I simply told him in my broken and very drunk spanish that if he had another ring that would be really cool. Imagine how amazing it would be to trade rings with someone from another country. I think it would be cool at least. Sad thing was the Mexican ring he wanted to trade me was sitting in his apartment in downtown Cancun several miles to the South, or at least that was what he said. I told him simply to bring it the following day and the trade will be done right then and there, all over another glass of Kentucky Gentlemen. Unfotunately, he neglected to grab the ring on his way out he said and I could tell he was honestly upset. I decided to just give him the ring anyways and it turned out to be quite a fun experience. I got the best service from all the bartenders, learned about the local culute, best fishing spots and got drunk. I have to many rings anyways, and he looked like he could use one.

He probably used it as a fishing lure anyways. Damnit. Well, Whiskey and Rings as I say.