Fathoming "Emo"

Urbandictionary.com defines "Emo" as "a group of white, mostly middle-class well-off kids who find imperfections in there life and create a ridiculous, depressing melodrama around each one. They often take anti-depressants, even though the majority don't need them. They need to wake up and deal with life like everyone else instead of wallowing in their imaginary quagmire of torment."

RATM decided to put this article together for the simple fact that we know so little about this new style emerging in our youth. To get a better grasp of what this "Emo" is, we asked Dr. Miles Borne of Emo Researchers Inc.

"We still know little about why these kids dress like they do and behave so oddly. About a month ago we had our super-computers scouring the Internet looking for gatherings of these "Emos" so that we could stand by silently and watch. The following was an intercepted "Emo" conversation between two "Emos"."

XxSlavetoAnguishxX: omg my gf just left me

acidburnedsoul: that sux man

XxSlavetoAnguishxX: i blame myself only i'm such an ass *cries*

acidburnedsoul: dude come over to my house and we can cut ourselves together

XxSlavetoAnguishxX: okay *cries*

acidburnedsoul: omg dashboard confessional has a new cd, i preordered it already

XxSlavetoAnguishxX: dude they're my favorite band to self-mutilate to

acidburnedsoul: i prefer to cut myself while watching Napoleon Dynamite on my bigscreen

XxSlavetoAnguishxX: dude that movie is so deep. i cry every time i see it, sometimes my parents will come downstairs and cut with me if their in the mood.

acidburnedsoul: I cry way too much man. i hate myself, times are tough dude :)

XxSlavetoAnguishxX: yeah we're such tortured souls, nobody understands how hard life is for us

acidburnedsoul: yeah we got it tough dude. pass the tissues *sniff* *sniff*


"Trying to understand what is going on in the minds of these kids is extremely difficult, it takes a lot of time and money to build strong evidence and put together a publishment for the world" explains Dr. Borne as he tosses Moltov Cocktails out his office window at "Emo" kids below.

"Few people understand the work that goes on here, how much we as researchers have sacrificed for the knowledge of mankind" stated Miles Borne while watching the bond fire below grow in intensity from the many burning "Emo" bodies.

"These kids are just mislead, probably didn't get enough beatings from their parents when they were young and never got to play their fathers tools or machinery. What they need is to move on, and stop sharing pants with their mothers and sisters" proclaimed Dr. Borne as he watched in excitement as police and firefighters threw more "Emo" on the fire.


Man celebrating after "Emos" removed from city by fire